Saturday, May 24, 2008

Every Now and Then Some Magic Creeps Into the Blog...

For those of you who haven't been studying the recent "comments" on Ninja-tek, we've had some feedback from a celebrity(!). Yes, it's true, we've heard from the one and only Glomer, masterful moviegoer and filmatorian!@!!!!#@#!@#@

*I try to stay calm, but it's hard in situations like this.*

I was thinking about seeing Indiana Jones Crystal Skull Yermother this weekend . . . then I read John's scathing review of IJ 4 (find it here), with a mere 3 stars out of 10 (OUCH!). John concludes:

But suffice to say - this is far worse than I ever imagined it should or even could be - I just can't believe such a talented team made this, and it really disappoints me on so many levels not just that the film is merely "bad" but that it is SO bad; and that not for one second did I feel like I was watching the iconic action hero again. It was Harrison Ford playing Indiana Jones, but it wasn't Indiana Jones. And at the bare minimum, in spite of the film's flaws, I was hoping I'd at least get that much.

Well, that seals the deal for me! Thank you, Glomer, for saving me $18 (or whatever movies cost nowadays) and 2 hours of my life to see another Steven Spielberg debacle (about the Holocaust, no doubt).

John Ulmer's writing is no longer easy to parody, and we can always rely on him for deft criticism. Here's to Glomer starting a new blog!!!! A few years ago some cohorts and I constructed a shabby imitation of Glomer prose on Livejournal. I'm glad Glomer realizes it was crude and silly enterprise, and that no ill feeling was meant. At the very least, it was a better use of our time than Indiana Jones 4.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was really concerned about John.

On an episode of American Idol, the British contestant Michael Whatshisface sang "A Day in the Life" which is a song about suicide. Afterward, the judges criticized the song choice and Michael W. said he wanted to dedicate it to his friend from back home, John Ulmer, who died the year before.

Then I saw that his movie review website was down and I couldn't find and reviews on IMDB or anywhere of recent movies.

So it's good to see he's still writing movie reviews - and not dead or whatever.

Here's a short review of Speed Racer for olde time's sake:

Speed Racer

An all-star cast of Christina Ricci and Tim Allen hits this one out of the park and scores a touchdown. John Goodman truly deserves and MVP award for his performance as "Tommy" a deaf, dumb, and blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball.

Never mind.

3:59 PM  
Blogger John said...

I'm shedding a tear right now - this is like some big family reunion, albeit the sort of family comprised of individuals who hate each other and don't talk to each other for years on end except after their parents die and a battle over the will and personal belongings emerges, until - many years later - they inadvertently stumble upon each other again in old age at some sort of family reunion and make awkward small talk and humorous references to past conflicts ("Err...hey, uh, remember that whole 'I want all of Dad's money and you're not getting any of it' thing? That was funny, right? Right?"). We are that family.

Sadly I didn't commit suicide but if I had attempted to I probably would have survived anyway because I am inhuman. I was reading a Uwe Boll interview on Rotten Tomatoes earlier today and something he said about Kevin Costner struck me as being particularly poignant: "Mr. Brooks was a pretty good movie." The point is, I just don't think suicide could kill me. I'll probably live forever - if not physically, at least intellectually.

Speed Racer was a great movie. I give it 8.1/10 on a Pitchfork rating scale. That Leonardo DiCaprio kid is gonna go far.

Indy 4 sucks the big one. The scariest thing in that movie is seeing Karen Allen's face - at first I thought Indy had discovered another mummy or something, until her mouth started moving (it's the only area of her face still capable of free movement, as the rest has been Botoxed and injected-with-various-chemicals to death).

Truth be told, I loved the John Zone Livejournal. What's the saying? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? I hope you resume it at some point. Maybe a review of "Santa Clause 3" musing on the marvellance (a new word I coined yesterday) of Martin Short's transcendental performance. Or maybe an essay on the subversiveness of "The Village" and why it's a bold artistic statement on male pattern baldness?

Sorry for the long comment! I am quite drunk and, to be honest, impotent! But I don't know what that word means. My girlfriend is just always bringing it up and I usually tune her out but I started writing a song and couldn't rhyme "Insolence" and put in "Impotent" and it worked perfectly. And it shut up my girlfriend when I sang it to her! In fact, I haven't seen her in three weeks. I should really write more songs.

12:48 PM  

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