Sunday, April 20, 2008

Ninja-tek FAQ

Since the anticlimactic return of Ninja-tek I've been spreading the word to the "man on the street" like Paul in the Bible. Here are the most frequent questions I get deluged with when I present this lifesaving information (and some answers you can use when dispensing Ninja-tek to your friends):

Q: What?
A: What indeed!

Q: What is Ninja-tek?
A: Ninja-tek is the mathematically-validated "astronosciencephlosophy" delivered to the heathens via its earthly prophet and savior, Monsieur Le Cutup.

Q: Who are you?
A: Hello, my name is Mr. the Cutup!

Q: Leave me alone.
A: And allow you to throw your life away on non-Ninja-tek enterprises?

Q: I don't want any.
A: You only think you don't want any.

Q: Does Ninja-tek have a scripture?
A: Yes. It can be found in the "cyberspace": here.

Q: Will I have to lie on a couch and talk about my dreams like they do in the movies?
A: No, you're confusing Ninja-tek with anal sex.

Q: Is Ninja-tek open to anyone?
A: Anyone willing to pay the fees.

Q: What celebrities are Ninja-teknologists?
A: An individual’s affiliation with Ninja-tek is a private matter and it is not Mr. the Cutup’s duty or desire to publicly discuss who is or is not a Ninja-teknologist. Obviously many Ninja-tek celebrities have been outspoken in their support of Ninja-tek and Mr. the Cutup. But that is exclusively their own choice. Although it would be remiss to point fingers, it is "rumored" (wink wink) that Tiger Woods, J.K. Rowling, Dr. Phil, LeBron James, Ronaldinho, and Stephen Hawking are Ninja-teknologists.

Q: I haven't heard of any of those people.
A: They haven't heard of you.

Q: Why do some people oppose Ninja-tek?
A: Why do some people oppose fun? Why do some people oppose laughter? Why do some people oppose air? Some things we will never know.

Q: I'm glad you accept Jesus, because I'd have a hard time throwing him out!
A: Ha ha, me too!

Q: What is your opinion on violence?
A: I have the standard opinion.

Q: Do you have a caste system?
A: Sure.

Q: How many Ninja-teknologists are there?
A: It's commonly accepted that there are between one and nine billion practitioners at present.

Q: Why does it hurt so much when I get kicked in the groin?
A: Try getting kicked somewhere else from now on.

Q: Do you believe that you are the only ones who will be saved?
A: It is theorized that some hooved animals of extremely low intelligence might also receive salvation.

Q: How long does it take before I will notice some benefits?
A: You should already be experiencing benefits from reading this FAQ.

Q: How do I pronounce FAQ?
A: Fock.

Q: Did you notice that Google backwards is "el goog"?
A: I noticed that months if not years ago.

Q: John rode his bike 10 kilometres the first day, 9 kilometres the second day and 11 kilometres the third. How far did John ride his bike in three days?
A: Kilometres!? Go back to Yoorope you bike-ridin' hippie!

Q: Ninja-tek seems kind of mean.
A: Awww. Is poor Mr. Q gonna cry?

Q: I don't think I like this anymore.
A: Fine! Who needs you! Get out of my blog! Everybody, get the hell out of my blog!

A: ...

A: Hello?

A: Hello?

A: Hello?

A: Is anyone out there?

A: Hey, I was only kidding.

A: Mr. Q. I was just kidding.

A: Come back.

A: Please, Mr. Q, I wasn't serious.

A: I won't be so mean. I promise.

A: ...

A: Fock.



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home