Ninja-tek

Last Post

2009-06-22T17:54:00.006+09:00

CLICK HERE FOR MY NEW (OLD) HOME ON LIVEJOURNAL WHERE I'LL DO MY BLOGGING FROM NOW ON.

And so this is my last post. (ominous)

The last few days have been some of my best here, saying goodbye and seeing people I've accumulated over the year. Korea's okay. I wouldn't want to live here long term. It's a good place to visit, just not work.

Now I've got to finish packing.

I'll pick up the blogging thing again real soon.

Think of me and wish me safe passage in crossing the vast ocean.

Bogart

2009-06-22T10:22:00.005+09:00

Know what I've watched a lot of this year? Humphrey Bogart films. Here's how I rate what I've watched or rewatched this year:

1930
Up the River - D+

1936
The Petrified Forest - C+

1937
Black Legion - C
Dead End - C+

1938
Angels With Dirty Faces - C
The Oklahoma Kid - C

1939
The Roaring Twenties - B

1940
They Drive By Night - B

1941
High Sierra - B-
The Maltese Falcon - B+

1942
Across the Pacific - B+
Casablanca - A

1943
Sahara - B

1944
To Have and Have Not - A-

1945
Conflict - C+

1946
The Big Sleep - B+

1947
Dead Reckoning - B+
Dark Passage - A-

1948
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre - A+
Key Largo - A

1950
In a Lonely Place - B

1951
The Enforcer - C+
Sirocco - B+
The African Queen - B

1954
The Caine Mutiny - B-
Sabrina - C

I'd like to see the rest of his films and read a good bio.

I Can Almost See America From Here

2009-06-22T06:17:00.002+09:00

Went up to the roof of my building for a final view of drab-colored apartment blocks and the New York Wedding Hall. It's my last full day in Korea!

Ray Bradbury: "Fuck the Internets"

2009-06-21T09:12:00.002+09:00

The Internet? Don't get him started. 'The Internet is a big distraction,' Mr. Bradbury barked... 'Yahoo called me eight weeks ago,' he said, voice rising. 'They wanted to put a book of mine on Yahoo! You know what I told them? "To hell with you. To hell with you and to hell with the Internet." It's distracting. It's meaningless; it's not real. It's in the air somewhere.'"

The Long Goodbye

2009-06-19T23:19:00.004+09:00

Is it over, really? Am I really done? Can I go home now?

I'm kind of drunk from dinner with the co-workers. But it won't seem to hit home that I don't have to go to work again. I'm sure it will kick in in a few days.

Last night I watched The Long Goodbye, a weird Raymond Chandler story that Robert Altman moved into the 1970s and changed the ending for. Every shot has the camera moving, supposedly.

Ha ha. The Long Goodbye. Funny, that.

It's the Final Countdown

2009-06-14T19:43:00.005+09:00

Well, tomorrow I start my last week of work. When it's over we begin a new chapter in the Ninja-tek Chronicles.

Did I say a new chapter? I mean a whole new volume! If this were a software update it wouldn't be like 4.0034 - it would be an entire new number with a zero behind it.

Ninja-tek 1.0 was from my birth to about the 7th grade. This was a period of vague innocence.

Ninja-tek 2.0 was from 7th grade to moving out of my parent's house in 2001. This was a period of useless schooling and war against the world.

Ninja-tek 3.0 was from 2001 to the present. This was a period of lots of struggle and stupid jobs.

But on Friday...

Ninja-tek 4.0!!!!!!!#@$!!#$@#$@!#

Can't you feel the excitement?

I could try to define Ninja-tek 4.0 but I think I'd rather let it speak for itself and continue the tradition of overblown Ninja-tek rhetoric.

Your Daily WTF

2009-06-12T20:56:00.002+09:00

I skimmed this article at first not realizing it was from the Onion:

"Besides setting the literary community abuzz, Salinger's decision to come out of seclusion has allowed scholars access to his massive archive of unpublished work for the first time. So far, critics have examined three never-before-seen novels, eight novellas, and more than two dozen short stories—all of which appear to be Terminator fan fiction."

Update

2009-06-10T21:33:00.001+09:00

Seven more days of work!!!!!!

There, I blogged.

Man, I can do anything right now. But I can't do everything. Figuring where to live is complicated.

Random

2009-05-21T20:58:00.003+09:00

I've been looking at a few old issues of The Beano, a weekly British comic book that's been running since 1938 (which most Americans have never heard of).

Anyway, the bizarre thing about the comic is one of the regular features, Dennis the Menace. It's NOT the Dennis the Menace we Americans know. So you think, maybe someone ripped somebody's idea off. But get this: the two characters debuted independently (i.e. unrelated creators) in their respective countries just 3 days apart. Hella weird.

Anyway, Britsh comics and advertisements are different.

And this is a great quote I haven't thought of in years but which came back to me yesterday:

"If you want to be successful in life, everything you do must be an act of patricide. You must always kill the father. Every song you sing, every sentence you write, every leaf you rake must kill the father. Every act from the most august to the most banal must be patricidal if you hope to live freely and unencumbered. Even when shaving— each whisker you shave off is your father's head. And if you're using a twin blade—the first blade cuts off the father's head and as the father's neck snaps back it's cleanly lopped off by the second blade."

--from “My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist”, by Mark Leyner

1910

2009-05-19T19:03:00.010+09:00

I've read the latest League of Extraordinary Gentlemen book, Volume 3: Century, #1: 1910. I don't read comics in Korea because I don't like reading on the computer, but for this I made an exception.

This latest story is pretty good - better than The Black Dossier, but not as good as the first two volumes. I'm looking forward to the 1969 and 2009 books, even if the story's gotten a bit muddied by including just about every fantasy narrative ever, as well as fictions that aren't specifically fantasy-oriented. Virginia Woolf's Orlando has gotten a larger role with each book, and that's one of the primary texts I haven't gotten around to yet. Trying to keep up with all the intersecting media is a bit of a challenge, but that gives us something to do as we wait years for Moore and O'Neill to complete each issue, and to get the essential sources isn't that difficult. Aside from characters from previous volumes - mainly from Dracula, H. Rider Haggard's Allan Quatermain books, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and Mysterious Island by Jules Verne, the Sherlock Holmes mythos, and the aforementioned Orlando - this book's primary inspiration comes from Brecht and Weill's The Threepenny Opera and Somerset Maugham's The Magician, which I'm only passingly familiar with. Knowing the sources helps, but part of the enjoyment comes in rereading and realizing who all these people are, and every time I read it I recognize something new.

Throwing in references to Cat's Cradle or The Story of O for the sake of references is of course a bit pretentious, but Moore usually goes beyond this to make the characters his own and breathe new life into them. The throwaway stuff for the annotations is more like ornamentation, and when Moore focuses on telling a good story he always comes through. A lot of this volume felt like setup for the 1969 and 2009 volumes (this one is set in 1910). This issue is really about Captain Nemo's daughter and it's quite touching and disturbing, if a tad predictable.

And Kevin O'Neill's art is always incredible. He's got a huge collection of his Marshal Law stories coming out that looks awesome.

Someone Twisting a Knife in Your Back

2009-05-15T18:33:00.004+09:00

I'm giving Wilco (The Album) my third listen and loving it. My favorite band this decade.

Predictably Irrational

2009-05-14T19:49:00.005+09:00

Maybe minimal blogging while in ghost ship mode as I wrap up my teaching (five more weeks).

Here's a great book I listened to, similar to Kluge.

Predictably Irrational, Revised and Expanded Edition: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions

The Limits of Control

2009-05-07T19:19:00.003+09:00

Ebert totally dissed the new Jim Jarmusch movie, The Limits of Control. I still want to see it, but I'm sorry it's getting such bad reviews. I really liked that last Jarmusch movie with Bill Murray, Broken Flowers.

The Jolly Banker

2009-05-05T17:44:00.004+09:00

There's a new Wilco song up for free download (written by Woody Guthrie). It's not on their forthcoming album and sounds more Guthrie-esque than Wilco-esque.

The Awakening

2009-05-04T22:35:00.005+09:00

4-day weekend spent on bullet trains, buses, and ships traveling all the way to a small island off the south coast of Korea with a co-worker and her family. Also went to two temples and a green tea farm. Off the clock, it reminds me of how life once was, how it will be again, but upleveled a thousandfold once I'm done here. I'm gonna move back to Livejournal when I finish in Korea to hermetically seal it. It's good to travel and get out of routine.

Together Through Life

2009-04-28T19:38:00.002+09:00

New Bob Dylan with the fruity-cake-make title Together Through Life. It sounds like his last two albums with more accordion and Southwest feel. It's okay music. Kind of background music. But let's face it. With titles like "It's All Good," Dylan will never again capture the lyrical and musical intensity he once had.

Going to California

2009-04-25T17:34:00.002+09:00

Well, my school got my plane ticket for the day after I finish work. It looks like I'll be back in California on June 23rd.

Final 40

2009-04-22T18:34:00.004+09:00

In two months I'm done working - June 22. Forty more days of teaching. It seems to go slower and slower, and even this late in the game I think about leaving. I won't, but I still want to escape the schedule, the office, the noise of kids. When I get back to USA I want to do increasing periods of time without eating animal products and using computers.

June 22. 22. 2222222222222222

I swear I've been hovering in space at this moment in time forever like Groundhog Day.

June 22. C'mon, c'mon.

J.G. Ballard

2009-04-20T19:59:00.003+09:00

I haven't read enough of him to offer a comprehensive opinion, but what I have read by J.G. Ballard (mainly short stories from the 60s and 70s), I liked. I've had a few of his audiobooks lingering on my computer for months, and I still haven't gotten around to seeing Crash (the 1996 Cronenberg one based on Ballard's novel, not the recent and more famous film that's completely unrelated), but now I feel I suddenly have incentive.

His voice and energy influenced the entire ethos of punk literature, informing and infecting the possibilities of speculative fiction. His dissection of narrative, his bizarre mind, will be missed. What has come down to us from writers like Michael Moorcock, Harlan Ellison, William Burroughs, Grant Morrison, Alan Moore and others would surely be different without Ballard.

Reading

2009-04-19T19:55:00.008+09:00

Here's some reading material. First:

Glomer's Exclusive Interview with Jonathan Ke Quan (Short Round from Indiana Jones and the only Asian in Goonies)
Glomer* proves once again that he's on top of all the news. (*Glomer = J.U.)

Then:

Montgomery Flagg's Nervy Nat comics
Weird early comics from the creator of the "I Want You" Uncle Sam Poster. Click them to supersize... they're peculiar.

Restroked

2009-04-17T20:00:00.003+09:00

I don't know why but I love this rescoring of the opening of Different Strokes. It just makes me laugh.

Beatles Remastered

2009-04-12T07:14:00.005+09:00

Kind of amazing the Beatles catalog hasn't been properly remastered and the same discs have essentially been out there for 22 years. But on September 9, 2009 they get properly done - all their albums remastered. About time.

Death Proof

2009-04-08T12:18:00.003+09:00

I watched Tarantino's Death Proof again. It's a really weird movie. It's both poorly done and incredibly calculated. All the sloppiness is actually intentional and the editing is incredibly weird. The characters and dialogue feel like a 70s Marvel comic, and Tarantino almost self-parodies the characters by creating two groups of woman who are initially indistinguishable cliches. Ultraviolent with laughable plot twists, and Kurt Russell alternates between creepy psychopath and pathetic geezer. Overall, I like it - even with all of Tarantino's fetishes. Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction may be the only thing I like better by him. And it's infinitely better than the other Grindhouse movie, Planet Terror. I initially saw them together in theaters, which makes for a too long movie experience. Death Proof on its own is just right.

6 Things

2009-04-06T18:47:00.007+09:00

Here's six things I liked in the past week. The Big Sleep has an overcomplicated confusing plot but brilliant sets and actors. Kind of like a David Lynch movie if he'd been working in the 40s. Dark Passage is my favorite Bogart movie so far. It may just be the shooting locations because every two minutes I was thinking, "I know exactly where that is in San Francisco!" and unlike many cities, SF still looks very similar to how it looked 60 years ago. I think the story and actors are also pretty amazing. Key Largo is also awesome, more Bogart and Bacall, but also with Edward G. Robinson, whose ominousness as a villain completely overshadows the antagonists in the other films. I've been binging on Bogart (and now Bacall) and finally see his greatness.

Then the new Pet Shop Boys, a Jam compilation, and a breathing program by Andrew Weil, one of my favorite health authors. All goodish.

Life Inc.

2009-04-05T10:38:00.003+09:00

Douglas Rushkoff has a lot of interesting ideas about local currencies and the current state of the economy. But I don't expect his ideas to take. Who knows. Here's his article Hacking the Economy.

And here's his new book ~

Life Inc.: How the World Became a Corporation and How to Take It Back

New Del fo' Free

2009-04-03T20:54:00.006+09:00

I salute Del for releasing his latest album for free here, and even available in FLAC format.

I also thought about downloading the Wolverine movie leak (a month before it's in theaters!) but decided to wait since it sounds like the cut that got out is pretty unfinished (but that's what they always say with leaks). I liked X-Men 2 and thought 3 was a letdown, so I'm hoping this movie restores some credibility to the franchise. But from what I've heard, it's overproduced.

Funny pseudo-Christians

2009-03-31T21:16:00.000+09:00

Inherent Vice

2009-03-31T05:18:00.006+09:00

I dreamed last night I watched a film of Gravity's Rainbow. There is no such film. Anyway, I've never gotten into Pynchon, but he's crapped out another book come August called Inherent Vice. I find myself strangely curious.

[Edit: Prüfstand VII is a German film apparently inspired by Gravity's Rainbow, but it sounds kind of impossiblish to find and I assume Pynchon didn't authorize it or anything.]

In the Future

2009-03-30T20:52:00.000+09:00

This is a great picture of life in the future.

Stuff

2009-03-29T09:46:00.003+09:00

I set up an Amazon Associates account because I realized the only lure to keep me blogging is the vague possibility of money. I don't expect anyone will actually buy anything through the links, but it gives me an excuse to keep better track of what I like. So here's a few more things I've liked lately. I encourage you all to buy crap through the links. I think I get a miniscule percentage even if you buy other crap through the links. Go!

First, I've been getting into John Huston's films. I'd never seen The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and loved it. Humphrey Bogart is dark and kind of dumb, brilliant, the best I've seen with him.

And that made me watch The Maltese Falcon again for the first time this decade. I don't think I ever appreciated it when I was younger. The dialogue was too fast and I couldn't see what the big deal was over some dumb bird. Now I see so much more. Amazing film, the godfather of all noir. Anyone seen the 1931 or 1936 versions?

The One Two Three of God

Pretty good audio from Ken Wilber, one of my favorite thinkers... not for beginners to his ideas though. A Theory of Everything remains the easiest place to start.

Tropic of Cancer

I finally read some Henry Miller. I didn't expect anything so non-traditional. Miller really is the proto-Beat.

The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World

Sort of a travel book as a guy goes around the world looking for happiness.

Kluge

2009-03-28T19:48:00.005+09:00

Awesome book I just read, sort of a catalog of the funkiness of the brain with lots about evolutionary psychology. A "kluge" is (wikipedia): an ad hoc engineering solution, inelegant in principle but possibly elegantly pragmatic. Dude begins talking about how things like the eye and spine evolved kind of inferior-like and then takes it up to the brain, the ultimate kluge.

Kluge: The Haphazard Evolution of the Human Mind

Tweedy

2009-03-28T03:16:00.008+09:00

Just found out Wilco has a new album in June, still untitled. Check out their Colbert Report interview/performance from October 30, 2008:

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Exclusive Wilco Song

comedycentral.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

15 Weeks

2009-03-08T20:40:00.006+09:00

With 15 weeks left at my job, it's kind of an ambiguous place to be. It's very close, but it still seems very far. I have 72 days of actual work left, and each day passes slower than the one before. "I'm not a number! I'm a free man!"

This is the third time I've been in a contract job where there's a reward at the end to keep me going like a carrot on a stick. Never again! When will I learn? Never, never again. Avoid contracts, Adam! Even with the contract and money/plane ticket home at the end, I considered leaving. I'm done teaching ESL. I'm done teaching classrooms. I'm done working jobs!!!!!!!!!

But the sheer disgrace and stain I'd leave, the disappointment in the kids' faces when they learned I had bailed, has kept me going. But god, sometimes I feel there's nowhere to go to escape now that the school is so crowded with new teachers and students. And I used to go for walks but it's still cold outside sometimes. Will Spring never arrive?!

I made a list of things I NEVER intend to do again. Some of them I'm already enforcing, but some will have to wait till I finish with Korea in June:

Have roommates (bleh, been there done that - I'm almost 30 [I'm already 31 in the Korean age system!] and refuse to go backwards on this - I choose to only live with people I want to from now on).
Get in a job contract (yuck, see above).
Own a car (hassle, stress).
Wear uncomfortable clothes (especially shoes).
Work/live under fluorescent lighting (depressing).
Work on somebody else's time schedule (9-5, M-F, etc - I want to go freelance all the way).
Clean house (I want a cleaning service).

I encourage you all to make a NEVER AGAIN list.

I finished reading David Copperfield today. It was hella long and filled with characters and rambling prose. I'd probably give it a B or 7/10.

Sita Sings the Blues

2009-02-27T21:24:00.004+09:00

I really enjoyed Sita Sings the Blues, an animated adaptation of the Hindu epic The Ramayana. It's got great Annette Hanshaw songs and beautiful animation. Plus it's funny.

Here's a torrent. I think it'd be good to watch stoned.

New Coen Bros. PSA

2009-02-27T08:10:00.002+09:00

Reminds me I haven't seen Burn After Reading.

Season Two

2009-02-24T17:52:00.004+09:00

I've caught up on the new season of Flight of the Conchords. Generally I'm liking it... first episode seemed kind of weak, but maybe it had just been so long that I had to get back into it... episodes 2 through 6 have been good. The show doesn't really have any development though... the characters don't grow and nothing has changed since the first episode of season 1. But I still like it.

Also watched Rhys Darby's standup performance (Imagine That!) that was okay, but much more physical humor. Imagine a New Zealish Robin Williams doing impersonations of robots and dinosaurs and you get the picture.

Find

2009-02-22T17:25:00.001+09:00

Yo, someone link me to Mickey Rourke's acceptance speech at the Independent Spirit Awards. I can't find it.

Doctor Octopus

2009-02-18T20:41:00.003+09:00

In Korea they eat raw octopus that is killed and chopped up just before you eat it. Yesterday in a restaurant with my co-workers I tried some. The piece of octopus was still moving when I put it in my mouth. I chewed it well.

My final chunk of vacation: 11 days between now and March 2.

I think I'm just gonna play these mp3's of Obama cussing over and over (from his audiobook).

INSOMNIA!!!

2009-02-15T23:01:00.004+09:00

A sickness slowly climbed upon me as I returned to work. I think I'm off work again from this Tuesday till March 2 so maybe I can recover. But it's hard to sleep when you're nose is plugged up. I think I'm kind of sick of this country too. I have about four months left and I probably would abandon ship if I didn't get bonus pay, a pension refund, my apartment deposit, and a plane ticket home at the end of the contract. So I'll stick it out.

You all saw Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman, right?

I've heard some people say it was all a hoax for the documentary Casey Affleck is making about Phoenix's transition to rap, and other people say he's drugged out and needs help. My theory is that the whole hip-hop transition thing is semi-orchestrated a la Borat for the documentary, but that to really immerse himself in the role he actually believes it himself and may be on some kind of drugs to flesh out the role, and that he won't even realize he's acting till he comes out of it at the screening of the documentary and he'll snap back to something like his former self like someone coming out of hypnosis.

I don't think Letterman was "in on it" and believe he was genuinely annoyed by Phoenix. But who knows, eh.

I watched Kenneth Branagh's As You Like It. Starts out kind of weak by about halfway through I began to like the actors and thought it finished nice. Good music and atmosphere. I like the version with Laurence Olivier better though, even though Olivier didn't direct it.

I tried to find a torrent of the soundtrack but could only find another Patrick Doyle OST: 1998's Great Expectations. It's a good soundtrack too.

I think I will try sleep again now.

A Perfect World

2009-02-12T19:48:00.002+09:00

Lately I've been thinking about how I'd set up my life in a perfect world, and I realize I wouldn't really use computers much. I realize that being on computers isn't something I actually enjoy. In a perfect world I wouldn't use computers more than an hour a week.

So I'm trying to cut back. It's difficult not because I'm addicted but because I use the computer for so much that my livelihood depends on. But I'm still trying to cut back.

BTW

2009-02-08T20:38:00.001+09:00

Fuck! Back to work!

It's been six weeks since I've been on the 8:30 to 4:30 grind. Six weeks since I had to see all my co-workers and all the students at once.

I think I liked vacation more.

Changeling

2009-02-05T19:36:00.003+09:00

Changeling is kind of like a mix of Silence of the Lambs, In the Line of Fire, and Terminator 2 (when she's in the mental hospital). I guess the stuff I didn't like about it were how easy it is to find the bad guys, and how it feels like a newspaper editorial. Oh, and I don't really think much of Angelina Jolie's acting. Still, it's okay, just long and self-righteous.

Copperfieldian

2009-02-03T22:28:00.004+09:00

Man, there are some crazy plane ticket prices right now. I was thinking about visiting the US at the end of the month (I'm not) and just looked and could get a round trip for $700. I also found a ticket from San Francisco to Ireland round trip this month for $380! I think people are cutting back on travel. I hope these prices hold out through the rest of the year when I'm actually traveling.

I feel my vacation taking its last gasp. I was in Seoul the other day and got a copy of David Copperfield to immerse myself in a 900-page Dickensian reality. Maybe it's my favorite Dickens book I've read. Tomorrow I'm bowling. I don't know what to make of Korea anymore. I think I've forgotten whatever I knew about teaching, it's been so long since I've had regular classes (mid December?). And I think my teaching quality has gotten progressively worse through the year. C'est la vie. After this I'm done working with kids. After this I won't ever do contract work, and even try to avoid housing leases for longer than six months. I just like to move on.

Did anyone see the 40-minute The Office the other day? I thought it was pretty good after some weak episodes, and found the pirated Jack Black movie especially creepy/awesome. Also found it funny they would watch a pirated movie in a major national sitcom.

Wikiarabica

2009-01-29T07:27:00.001+09:00

Check out wikipedia for terrorists. It's like the antimatter null universe version.

Wind Beneath My Wings

2009-01-27T23:22:00.009+09:00

Growing up in Southern California, I took certain things for granted. Beaches, warm weather, hot girls. Only when I saw other parts of the country and world did I realize how depraved some places are. There are some places where they don't have beaches. There are some places where the woman are like Jabberwockies. And there are many, many places that get cold in the winter. These places are what I like to call "stupid."

My first mistake was Seattle. I lived there a year and it was like the coldest winter in 80,000 years with snow and other nonsense.

And now I'm in Korea and it's been cold since November and the heat is only now beginning to vaguely trickle in and hint at a spring in a month or two. But there's still snow on the sidewalks.

I've been thinking about the next place I'll "live", and for a while I was considering Portland. But it gets pretty cold in the winter there, too.

So now I'm giving serious thought to San Luis Obispo. High of 74 degrees tomorrow. That's what I'm talking 'bout. (read the last sentence with an Ebonic accent)

In other news, today was lunar/Chinese/Korean new year, which seems to close more businesses than the Jesus new year you celebrate in the West. I'm on vacation and letting my face hair grow so I look more Jesus-esque. I would wear a white robe and get a tan like Ted Neeley but it's too effin cold.

P.S. > I was trying to find an image of the Jabberwocky from the awesome 1985 version of Alice in Wonderland (the one with Scott Baio and Ringo Starr - seriously) to supplement this blog entry ... but the internet failed me. Trust me, it was scary in a low-budget 1980s sort of way.

Book Cover of the Day

2009-01-24T19:02:00.001+09:00

Once Again

2009-01-23T21:23:00.002+09:00

Every now and then I check on Mark Leyner's career to see how far he's fallen since his 1997 masterpiece, The Tetherballs of Bougainville. The last thing was a horrible Middle East corporation film, War, Inc.

But now he's cashing in once again with another crappy medical humor book he's known to co-author. This time it's called Let's Play Doctor. I haven't read it, but it's got a phat 1.5 stars on amazon, and this review:

In case you're inclined to view Leyner's previous career (as a uniquely sardonic wit and social satirist) as the product of a bargain struck with Mephistopheles, these "doctor books" he now dashes off in conjunction with this Goldberg character can be viewed as what comes after the twist ending - when Satan shows up at the book-signing party demanding payment in full, and waving the signed contract like a combination past-due invoice and eviction notice.

The most bothersome aspect is the probability that something like LET'S PLAY DOCTOR is outselling ET TU, BABE by a ten-to-one margin, which is hardly Leyner's fault. But better he spends his free time with lawyers rather than doctors; what he needs is a contract-law barracuda to renegotiate his original deal with the devil, so he can get back to leaving bite-marks in corn dogs, posthaste.

I couldn't agree more.

OMG Tom Cruise is in South Korea!!

2009-01-19T20:21:00.001+09:00

Beauty and the DRM

2009-01-17T12:30:00.006+09:00

Yesterday was the last day of my winter English camp for beginners and I showed Beauty and the Beast, which I'd argue is one of Disney's best films of the last twenty years. Unfortunately, I'd downloaded (without realizing it) the "Special" edition that has an extra five minutes or so and a horrible song, "Human Again." It's sandwiched between two other songs and makes the film bloated in that area.

But otherwise it holds up as a great film, and the sophisticated animation of the ballroom scene is still impressive almost twenty years later.

So I'm kind of amazed that you can't buy a new retail copy through Amazon. I think Disney repackages their material every five years or so for anniversary editions with new crap bonus glitter packaging, but forcing consumers to turn to ebay or whatever for a copy at any point seems like Disney throwing away money. But what do I care. I just wish I could have found a download with Korean subtitles.

Did you know the guy who wrote the songs for Beauty and the Beast also did the ones for Little Shop of Horrors? But he's dead now.

I also showed this to my students and they liked it (the week's theme was "fairy tales"):

Started listening to Cory Doctorow's "Content" - an audiobook on copyright, DRM, etc. It's free, great, check it out.

RIP

2009-01-13T14:14:00.001+09:00

Looking over this list of Bushisms, you have to wonder if the man isn't secretly some kind of verbal genius.

15. "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."—Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

17. "People say, 'How can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil?' You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you."—Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

Tilt-Shift

2009-01-09T16:17:00.002+09:00

This tilt-shift creator's kind of cool. It works best with bright-colored photos, and there are much better examples than mine (San Francisco and Oahu).

The Wrestler

2009-01-06T06:42:00.001+09:00

I watched The Wrestler, which isn't what I expected it to be. More naturalistic than Aronofsky's other films, it still held my attention even though it has a lot of obvious wrestling scenes. It avoids the obvious payoffs and has an ambiguous ending. I don't know if it's a great film, but it's a very good film. If Aronofsky keeps going like this he'll have a very diverses oeuvre in ten years.

Also: Marisa Tomei plays a stripper and she's looking hella fine.

By the way, I love that I can download a DVD-quality copy of The Wrestler before it even has wide release in the US.

The Power of Full Engagement

2009-01-05T18:40:00.005+09:00

I've read a lot of personal development books, and this one is one of the best I've come across:

The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal

It's given me so many ideas about stress, exercise, recovery periods, habits, and rituals. For anyone who feels they are depleted physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually - check it out!

2009

2009-01-01T22:27:00.000+09:00

This year on New Year's eve I became my dad and went to bed before midnight, sleeping through the festivities with earplugs and a headache. And I felt at peace and warm and glad that I didn't go into Seoul or any crowd anywhere. The last week has been rather insane anyways in so many ways, and sometimes I wish I used this blog to record my personal life (I typed 4 pages in my journal yesterday) - basically I'm living at least four lives that I don't allow to intersect.

Before going to sleep I watched Tropic Thunder, which has some really great nuanced humor and Vietnam war cliches to the max... but has kind of a predictable structure that lumbers a bit at times. Still, I like it. And I didn't even recognize Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise at first! That's kind of impressive.

Think I have to go to the English bookstore in Itaewon in a day or two to get supplies for my English program. I haven't done any planning. The truth is out... I'm a horrible teacher. Well, I am when I don't have a plan. When I do, I'm OK.

I once heard someone compare Itaewon (the foreigner neighborhood in Seoul) to Mos Eisley in the first Star Wars, and that's kind of accurate. Everything feels stupider, gaudier, grosser, louder, drunker. Too many cultures in too small a space - too much American military - too many prostitute bars - too much English and too many people speaking broken English.

But there's an English bookstore there so I go from time to time.

You know, as much as there are times when I truly enjoy Korea, I was probably ready to leave after two or three months. It's been great for me financially, and my living situation is pretty sweet, but unless I'm fluent in the language (which ain't gonna happen) I'll always be this waygook (foreigner) here. Even if I spoke perfect Korean I would be that outsider, because Korea is all about homogeneity. I watched Korean TV (a rare occasion for me) tonight and I saw more clearly than ever how much Korean fashion is all about uniforms. You have your work clothes, your casual clothes, your formal casual clothes, your sports clothes, your hiking clothes, your very formal clothes etc, and you know within one second of looking at someone what they are doing based on their clothes. All art and dance has a factory quality to it. It's all about togetherness, group spirit, no boundary between corporation and government.

Seriously, the US has some huge corporations, but it has a lot of huge corporations and a lot of medium-sized corporations and a lot of small corporations. In Korea you have a few big corporations. Period. And they own the baseball teams, the department stores, the manufacturing, everything! And nobody has any problem with that. In fact, they like it. Because it's not just SK Telecom, the evil corporation that has mutant sex with the government... it's SK Telecom, the company five of your friends and family work for.

A Korean friend of mine was looking for a job. I told him if I was a Korean citizen I'd start my own business because there are so many opportunities for goods and services not available in Korea, so many needs of foreigners that aren't being meet, so much room for innovation. I told him a few of my ideas just about getting better English teachers, for instance, and he agreed that they made sense. I asked him if he would like to start his own business - wouldn't that be great, I asked? "No!" he shook his head.

To strike out alone? To leave the security of the vast corporate group? Koreans have such independent tendencies beaten out of them at an early age. I was on the subway once talking with a Korean-American teacher from California. An old man said something to my friend in Korean. "What did he say?" I asked.

"He said to shut up," he said.

Yes, a stranger told us not to talk on the subway! We ignored him, of course, but that's very typically Korean.

Okay, I don't mean to sound cranky. This is the type of entry I usually write and don't post. But I haven't posted much lately.

I don't think I'm homesick, because I don't feel any great desire to be back in America, but I would like to go to some other places now. I think I'm just bad at staying anywhere for too long.

All I Want for Christmas is Hanukkah

2008-12-26T17:41:00.009+09:00

Christmas in Korea is not nearly as crass and blaring as America. I went to a restaurant with my stepmom's relatives and ate a ton of food and that was that.

At some point recently I passed the halfway point (6 months) in my Korean life. I have less than 100 days of teaching left, but it's spread over 6 months. I'm pretty sure I won't be doing a second year in Korea. Not anytime soon, anyway.

My vacation just started. Woo.

Saw Dark Knight. It was pretty good and watchable, I guess. "Good action movie" - isn't that what the kids say. Kind of reminded me of Casino Royale the way it kept moving and upping the ante. Or like a "greatest hits" version of the best action scenes in the comic. But it also didn't really feel like the cool detective ninja in the Batman comics. Partly because of Christopher Nolan's clunky fight choreography (I complained about this my cutting-edge Batman Begins review). And also because this could have been James Bond in a costume (and kind of a lame costume in this film). None of the Batman movies seem to pick up that he's "the world's greatest detective." Christian Bale is a great Bruce Wayne, though. It's just when he puts on the Batman mask and starts speaking in a retarded growl . . . some things just shouldn't migrate from the printed page.

I think I have definite ideas about what Batman is because I grew up on the comics. Writers like Denny O'Neil, Chuck Dixon, Alan Grant, and Frank Miller got the Batman concept so right that almost everything else looks wrong. I could write a lot more but everybody else already did so what's the point.

For the next Batman movie they should get a new actor and director, set it forty years in the future, and do Dark Knight Returns. I'm not a big fan of that comic (the Frank Miller Batman I like is Batman: Year One) but it'd be a good way to keep the franchise fresh.

I listened to Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. I kind of like Gladwell's idea about the 10,000 hour rule, but Gladwell himself kind of annoys me. I've read all his books, and I'd love to parody his prose style in fiction. And whenever I see an interview with him I want to punch him.

Tried listening to the new Antony and the Johnsons album, got bored.

It's hella cold out. And yet... I kind of get used to it when it's not windy. Suddenly anything over 40 seems nice and toasty.

Planning a big trip for late '09 - at least three continents, methinks.

I'll try to blog more now that I'm off.

Top Ten of Albums ?2008?

2008-12-14T14:50:00.007+09:00

2008 is like gone, solid gone, daddy-o.

Instead. Here's my top 10 albums I've heard in the past few days. At least three of them are crap. You're probably better just staring at the cover and humming your own tunes based on the art.

Canned garagey beats and Mr. Lif-esque peasant rap.

This is like a happy version of Kid A... It's like Phileas Fogg vs. Helen Keller.

Arguably the best album cover of the past 200 years. The album is like The Neverending Story if Prince had played the little boy instead of Mikey from the Wheaties box.

Weird

2008-12-12T20:40:00.002+09:00

"And who told YOU as there was anybody here?" inquired Jenny's husband, who had made a surly stop in his eating to listen and now measured him with his eye.

"A person of the name of Michael Jackson, with a blue welveteen waistcoat with a double row of mother of pearl buttons," Mr. Bucket immediately answered.

"He had as good mind his own business, whoever he is," growled the man.

"He's out of employment, I believe," said Mr. Bucket apologetically for Michael Jackson, "and so gets talking."

- Bleak House, Charles Dickens

Random Pictures Near My Work This Morning

2008-12-12T14:47:00.004+09:00

I went walking around my work this morning and took a few pictures near the Korean comics museum and a dilapidated amusement park.

I'm sure parents try to keep their kids from riding the "Nude Viking."

Bright Attack

2008-12-11T13:54:00.005+09:00

I've barely taught this week and won't have any classes again till next Thursday thanks to finals. So it's good because I can relax a little, but it's also a bit slow when I don't interact with the kids. Yesterday I went walking and found a hiking trail in the hills behind my school and took it quite a ways back. The weather's nice right now. I got off at noon today and when I got home my apartment was so bright. I usually leave by 8 AM and return at 5 PM or later so my apartment isn't usually so lit up when I'm here:

(I also decided not to pick up the clothes scattered around the living room to show you how disorganized I am)

It reminded me to charge my camera batteries and how I hardly ever post photos. I should show you how crazy Korean neighborhoods look.

There Will Be Ice

2008-12-06T23:13:00.005+09:00

There was ice hanging from the bus stop yesterday. As the weather gets colder I think I'll be staying in more and catching up on movies. I finally watched There Will Be Blood. For some reason I thought I'd be very disappointed - it has a long running time and P.T. Anderson can't really do movies about the "olden days", can he?

The movie feels hella Kubrick to me, and I love Kubrick. So much minutiae and orchestration. Amazing. The only thing that confused me a little was the twin thing with Paul and Eli. It felt unnecessary - probably something from Upton Sinclair's book.

I don't think I've seen any movies in theaters since last December. I was supposed to see There Will Be Blood in theaters (I'm amazed at how accurately I predicted films I would like - I've seen all on that list except Youth Without Youth, which got lukewarm reviews).

Here's Ebert's best of 2008 list, but Iron Man's on there so don't take it too seriously.

Roger Ebert Quote

2008-12-04T18:26:00.000+09:00

"A very well-made film, wall to-wall with F/X violence. Its major flaw is that it's disgusting."

Homage to Catatonia

2008-12-03T22:14:00.001+09:00

Christmas is my next vacation day, but then I have to work the day after Christmas. Can you believe it? I don't think I'll have classes, I just go in to the school for closing ceremonies (this is the end of the school year in Korea).

But then it gets good and I will remember why I picked a public school over a hagwon...
PAID VACATION TIME!!!!
(Keep in mind, I already had over 3 weeks paid vacation in the summer)

December 27 - January 11 = NO WORK!!!
January 12-16 & January 19-23 = Work a two-hour winter class each day.
January 24 - February 8 = NO WORK!
February 9 - 17 = Be at school for meetings but no real classes.
February 18 - March 1 = I may have to go in a day or two for meetings, but essentially no work.

And then regular classes start again in March. The current 7th graders (300 of them because the school just opened this year) become 8th graders and we get 300 more 7th graders, doubling the number of students. And then I'll teach them for a little over 3 months and then my contract's up, and then...

Well, we'll see. I'm approaching the halfway point in my 12-month contract.

I haven't blogged much lately because in addition to teaching I'm spending time doing freelance work via America (via the internet), graphic design related, that pays real cash money (American dollar$), and I will say no more other than I would love to be self-employed. I like teaching and I like doing "alone-work" too and think I would go crazy if I just did one or the other, but if I'm gonna do them I want to set my own hours and not have to be somewhere because a clock says so. Maybe this will help me get there.

One Might Indeed Ponder the Imponderables of Time and Space

2008-12-03T05:53:00.004+09:00

Skeletal Lamping is an album that initially disappointed me. I went back to it recently and haven't stopped playing it and have to say I've completely reversed. In a year in which I've barely listened to any vocal albums (mainly I play classical), Skeletal Lamping fascinates me with its packed impressionistic blurbs that could easily expand into 10 albums. Not so much a concept album as hypercompression - it's either one long song or 50 little songs. Kevin Barnes tries to pull off a Ziggy Stardust with his "Georgie Fruit" character, but it never fully emerges as a separate identity and most of the time I think that's just a defense mechanism for all the diary-like thoughts composing the lyrics, words that move between the mythical and the mundane. And a lot of it's pretentious and sophomoric - the major themes are drugs and having sex with fans, but that's not too far off the last few albums (Hissing Fauna and The Sunlandic Twins are much more accessible, however). That being said, I embrace the lyrics as they are and thoroughly soak in the album's schizophrenic mood shifts. Of Montreal have come a long way since the folky rock of Cherry Peel, and they're one of my favorite bands.

*

Iron Man has sharp bantering, a fast story, and memorable characters. But it's still just a superhero story for kids, disposable. I doubt I'd ever be compelled to watch it again.

What I would rather see, as soon as we invent a time machine, is sending an Iron Man DVD (and DVD player) back in time to 1930s era Charlie Chaplin and having him remake Iron Man with 1930s technology. That would be far more interesting than Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man (or Robert Downey Jr. as Charlie Chaplin).

*

I had to use Excel yesterday and I never use Excel. God, what a shitty counterintuitive ugly piece of software.

*

Sunday I went to Suwon where the Hwaseong fortress has a wall about 4 miles long that stretches around the city and I walked all of it. It's like an abridged version of the Great Wall of China. My camera batteries were dead but here's an internet photo.

But it wasn't snowing and was actually beautiful weather. People say Seoul-area has smog but it's not bad in fall and actually incredibly clear some days. It also hasn't really snowed yet. It started to snow one day but then melted and it's been okay since. But later this week that might change.

A Plethora of Filmgasm

2008-11-22T16:50:00.004+09:00

Well, I haven't really blogged lately so let's do it! It's been very cold and I've run out of money till my paycheck Tuesday so what better reason to stay inside and blog?

First, let's post a few videos.

Here's Bush getting dissed by his political homies. It is indeed kind of sad.

Here's some ants. I told you they were cool.

I watched most of that documentary and there's some amazing cinematography.

And via John ("Don Juan") Glomer comes the trailer for The Wrestler, the new Darren Aronofsky film with Mickey Rourke.

Kind of fruity theme song but I like Aronofsky and Rourke.

Here's a hilarious Japanese ESL video I found.

Which led to this monstrosity.

I haven't watched a movie in forever. Here are my candidates for something to watch this weekend: Iron Man, Dark Knight, Get Smart, or Tropic Thunder. You tell me what's best.

Alright, I'll blog more tomorrow or something.

Old News

2008-11-17T22:41:00.003+09:00

Great Aleister Crowley quote I just found. I would add most culture and entertainment, including the internet, to "news":

To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worth while. The natural laziness of the mind tempts one to eschew authors who demand a continuous effort of intelligence. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.

People tell me that they must read the papers so as to know what is going on. In the first place, they could hardly find a worse guide. Most of what is printed turns out to be false, sooner or later. Even when there is no deliberate deception, the account must, from the nature of the case, be presented without adequate reflection and must seem to possess an importance which time shows to be absurdly exaggerated; or vice versa. No event can be fairly judged without background and perspective.

Game Tester for a Day

2008-11-12T21:58:00.004+09:00

It's the Korean "SAT" today and tomorrow so my junior high kids get out early and most of the teachers go to high schools to proctor (what a limited verb).

Me? What do I do since I don't have afternoon classes?

Thank you for asking.

I'm preparing to use board games for English practice in the class. The games available to me are limited. My co-teacher acquired Scrabble, Monopoly Jr., and The Game of Life. I played them with two other teachers this afternoon. Here are my impressions that I urge you to memorize:

Scrabble - The edition we got is the British one or something. Only a little different from American. Mainly the board is a different color and the tiles are plastic, not wood. It also has instructions in English, Korean, Chinese and Thai. It's been at least a year since I played Scrabble and I think it's a bit overrated.

Monopoly Jr. - Monopoly Jr. is shorter and simpler than Monopoly and almost 100% luck. It goes by too fast to realize you don't care what happens.

The Game of Life - These are the lessons my students will get from "Life": life is about making and spending money and filling a car with a generic family. Life is complicated and unfriendly to non-English speakers. It also has the players ending "Life" by retiring. That's not how real life ends.

Atom Age Vampire

2008-11-10T22:28:00.007+09:00

I'm behind on my class prep but somehow I ended up looking at a trailer for a Vincent Price version of Confessions of an English Opium Eater (they take out the word "English") that doesn't look anything like the De Quincey book, and then I followed a link to this trailer.

Glomer, go watch Atom Age Vampire and tell me if it socks your rocks.

Fuck me once... sperm on you. Fuck me twice... sperm on me.(?)

2008-11-05T18:39:00.003+09:00

Suddenly on Livejoural all my Friends page had election comments ad nauseam. My favorite, from Jess Nevins:

"A group of Black Panthers have arrived at my door and taken Henry Ian away to raise him as a Muslim Socialist Gay Communist. Just like I was told would happen!"

Email from David Byrne

2008-11-04T18:01:00.001+09:00

I'm on David Byrne's mailing list and he sent this today:

Pardon the bulk mailing. I Can't Vote. I am an immigrant with a Green Card and, therefore, I am not eligible to vote in a federal election. FYI - I can get drafted (luckily, Daniel Berrigan burned my draft board's records) and I pay taxes, yet I cannot vote for President. On Election Day, I see my neighbors heading to the nearby elementary school to cast their ballots. The voting booth joint is a great leveler; the whole neighborhood - rich, poor, old, young, decrepit and spunky - they all turn out in one day.

But most of you can vote. What can I say? The Republicans have made us less safe than before 9/11, bankrupted this economy, started an illegal war they can't - and don't intend to - finish, removed what sympathy (after 9/11) and respect the world had for the US, and have robbed US citizens of many of their basic rights. Global warming? What's that? Science and education? Investment in our future? No, thanks - we'll stick with a good 'ole hockey mom. Ignorant, and fucking proud of it, as is always the case.

Although it looks like a shoo-in, it ain't over 'til Florida. And there are plenty of racists in this country who will vote against their own best interests. So please, get to your local elementary school, post office, town hall, or whatever, and cast your vote and make this a country we can all be proud of. We can get out of this mess, and life can be better than it is.

David Byrne
NYC

Yay

2008-11-03T21:27:00.001+09:00

Paid off my loan. I'm out of debt. Hallelujah.

Brainstorm With Me

2008-11-01T13:42:00.003+09:00

I have to do a one-day camp in two weeks. It's already been planned out, and I need to fill it in with ideas. There will be about 40 kids. So comment and help me with these:

1. Cooking - We will make some kind of English/American food. The thing is, we don't really have cooking equipment. Maybe we can bring in a toaster or blender. I figure we can make sandwiches, but what else...? Smoothies? Milk shakes?

2. Board Games - The kids are going to play board games that use English. Scrabble, Boggle, and Scattergories have all been confirmed. The games don't have to be so English-focused, but they should use some English (Monopoly would be okay. Hungry Hungry Hippos wouldn't.).

3. Pop Song Contest - We're gonna have some kind of karaoke (noraebang in Korea). Any good websites or software, please link.

4. Halloween Themed Party - Even though we'll be doing this on November 15, we're having a Halloween section. My idea is to have the kids bring their own costumes or we can do face painting at the school. What are some other Halloween activities or party games that are good? We'll probably do musical chairs, but I want more ideas. They don't have to be explicitly Halloween related or use English.

Those are the main things I need help on. Keep in mind these kids are like 14 years old. Any experiences or ideas please comment, thanks.

Sports Day

2008-10-30T22:01:00.002+09:00

Great day at work – no classes. We had a sports day and it was hella fun. Kids ran races and played dodgeball and danced to K-pop. A boy gave me a balloon with my face drawn on it and my name below that. He said his dream job is to be an English teacher. He also critiqued the English of one of my co-teacher’s (I have two Korean co-teachers and one is usually present in class with me), and it’s true, he has less of an accent than her.

After school, went to dinner at a traditional Korean restaurant with about ten co-workers and I sat next to the vice principal. We started to drink Korean wine and somehow the two of us drank more than the others. I was fine, keeping it under control, and even though I drank more than the VP, he ended up pretty wasted. I think some of the others got a little uncomfortable. Some drank a little, but not as much as us, and the Christian women were probably squirming the most. I just wonder how much of it was my fault… did I encourage it? He didn’t make a total fool of himself - just a few sentimental speeches in Korean but I got the gist...

As we were all going our separate ways after dinner he stepped toward the women and I could see them take a step back... funny. I just hope he doesn’t think he embarrassed himself and blame me. I hope the others don’t blame me for revealing that side of him. But I think it will be okay.

The won totally gained value against the dollar today! If it stays down I'm wiring a few grand to my US account tomorrow and obliterating my student loan *KA-BLAM*!!!$%$!!%%

Jail Life is No Picnic

2008-10-29T22:01:00.002+09:00

I was reading a novel that has a car accident and it sparked my memory of my teenage years, when four guys at my high school were killed in a car accident. Thanks to google, it is preserved in luridly written prose:

It was 6:20 a.m., July 29, 1995. Starting home from an overnight camping trip with seven friends, he lost control of his father's 1987 Chevrolet Suburban and sent it tumbling across a barren stretch of the Mojave Desert north of Victorville. Like a Ferris wheel set free of its mooring, the 5,000-pound truck rolled across the desert floor, and with each revolution a friend vanished, a family shattered, a future dissolved.

When everything came to a shuddering stop, he opened his eyes and saw Jono, beautiful Jono, a swimmer with out-to-here shoulders and bottomless brown eyes that made all the girls weak, and he knew right away that Jono was dead. He turned to look in the backseat at John, a snowboarder with a taste for adventure, and he knew at once that John was dead, too. He looked out the window and saw the others, scattered in the wake of the truck. Steven, Drake, Pig, Joe, Tony. He jumped out the window and ran to each one, begging them to be alive.

Encrusted with bits of windshield and chrome, the desert glittered in the morning sun like a diamond field. Nearby campers and dirt bikers, thinking a plane must have crashed nose first, came running toward the swirling plumes of smoke and found him sitting in the glassy dust, stroking the hand of Pig, his best friend since grade school. "It's my fault," he told them, sobbing. "I killed my friends!"

Yes, James, you killed your friends (!). I found his myspace page, where he has this awesome quote:
"Concerts are always killer but has to be the right band with the right friends."

But wait! He's also got a newly (ahem) "published" book about his time in jail!

("What's it like in the big house, Mickey?")

Wow, order me 140 copies and sell that mofo out!

Don't confuse this James Patterson with the bestselling author of the same name. V for Vendetta!

You know, I once had a writing teacher named Dan Brown. But not the famous one.

I swear, I'm the only one who made it out of Orange County.

K-Money

2008-10-28T21:18:00.009+09:00

The largest Korean bill is 10,000 won, which is only like $10 (actually only about 3 cents at the current exchange rate). So you gotta carry a wad when you want serious change on your person. The money is different sizes and colors, and I still confuse them because there's so many fucking zeros. Much like American money, Korean money features old dead guys.

This is not real money. It is SPECIMEN (see label). DO NOT REACH INTO COMPUTER SCREEN AND TAKE IT. DO NOT PRESS CONTROL-PLUS(+) TO MAKE IT LIFE-SIZE.

I love my Korean bank. Oh, did I say I love my Korean bank? I'm sorry, I meant I hate my Korean bank. Korean banks in general are incredibly inefficient and you usually have to take a number and wait 20 minutes to see a teller. Plus their hours are retarded, usually M-F 8:30-4:30. Hey, that sounds familiar...? Oh yeah, that's my work schedule, so I always have to go during work hours. I have time between classes and at lunch, but it'd be nice to have a few Saturday hours available.

Oh, but here's the real nifty part: to use the ATM, your own bank's ATM, you have to pay a fee on the weekend and after business hours! It's only a small fee, like 50 cents, but still - does using an ATM on the weekend costs the bank more? I don't think so.

The banks are also incredibly insecure. There's a guy who assists people when they come in and he has a gun. But the tellers aren't behind glass and I've seen stacks of cash just sitting behind the counter. I don't think Korea has a lot of armed robbery.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: a lot of Korea is stuck in the 1950s and is just waiting for its Beat Generation and 1960s to revamp and revitalize it. The only things holding it back are the country's small size, large population, and desperate economy. People have to conform if they want to survive and get a job. I don't envy the youth of Korea. Plus, men have to serve two years in the army.

Most Koreans I know have studied or traveled abroad, and as they continue to do so they'll bring bits of the world back to Korea. Change is inevitable. An expanded international consciousness, less alcohol, a healthy marijuana culture, and meditation would greatly improve Korea. These things will also destroy a lot of traditional Korean culture, a lot of the stifling elements, and some of the softer aspects unfortunately.

As an English teacher, the thing I find most amusing is their attitude to English. The public schools don't begin English lessons till 3rd grade! Why wait so long? Do you want to learn English or don't you? If they really want to learn it, start as soon as possible. Instead they wait and the kids have an accent and struggle for years with English, cramming and going to hagwons. Why is it like this?

From what I understand, older Koreans are afraid English will destroy traditional Korean culture. And that's understandable. Nobody likes to have another culture come in and say, "Start talking like us because our language is more important than yours." But English is more important to Korea's economy, and every Korean college student knows this.

Okay, I'm just rattling on now.

Having lived here four months, I understand the idea of culture shock better now. Maybe it's not shock... maybe it's "culture irritation". There will always be things about Korean culture that make me angry and think WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO FUCKING STUPID? But I suppose foreigners feel the same way in America and elsewhere. And there are things about Korea that run smoother and easier. It's just a trade-off, I guess.

I had six classes today! Two of them I did solo (no co-teacher) and they were beginner classes. Maybe they're what annoy me about the English curriculum in Korea. The classes are too large with too many speaking levels in one class, and I know a lot of those beginners don't learn anything from me. There are few things as frustrating as teaching someone English when they don't speak any English and you don't speak any Korean. Plus you have 37 other students to deal with. Fortunately Korea is desperate for white English teachers, believing they magically speak and teach purer English, and always preferring them to Asian or (gasp) black teachers.

Anyway, I love Korean money. It'd be nice if it had more value than toilet paper. I have a ton of it, and I'd love to send it back to the US and pay off my loan etc. But I just can't bring myself to do it at the current exchange rate... it'd be throwing too much away. I wonder if it will ever rise again. The president says so (the Korean president), but he seems like an asshole to me, like a Korean Giuliani (eww, weird image), saying whatever the people want to hear. And Korean politics have so much crap about saving face and honor and respect and bleh, it almost makes American politics refreshing (almost).

Alright, it's been good to rant - I usually don't allow myself to do it long in the blog and it's nice to get it out. Most of the things I'm whining about aren't a big deal. The exchange rate is all I really want to improve. Everything else I can live with.

Piracy Will Save the World

2008-10-26T14:06:00.003+09:00

Here are three albums from the 1970s that are disturbingly out of print.

Watertown - concept album by Frank Sinatra at his best.

Pussy Cats - a Harry Nilsson album produced by John Lennon. A little uneven but worth it for the good songs. The opening track is amazing.

Slow Dazzle - one of John Cale's most consistent works. Features a bleak cover of "Heartbreak Hotel" followed by the sappy yet awesome "Ski Patrol". Also has a great Brian Wilson tribute/lamentation.

Guess Again

2008-10-23T21:01:00.003+09:00

I was eating lunch today with my co-workers in the cafeteria, as usual. The food is almost the same every day: rice, a variety of soup, kimchi (I always leave it), some cold gross vegetable, and the main dish, which changes each day.

Today's main dish was spongy dark tube. "What is it?" I asked my co-teacher.

"Do you really want to know?" she said.

Did I really want to know?

"Y-yes," I said.

She said the Korean name for the food, then added, "Normally, it's pig intestines."

Stop.

"Normally," she continued. "But this isn't the real thing. This is an imitation of {Korean word} made from noodles and flour."

"Oh." Relief. Not pig intestines. Not monkey brains or sheep testicles. Just flour. Thank God. Then something occurred to me: "Why is it black if it's made from noodles and flour?"

"Well, in Korea we make flour from many other things. Like potatoes, for instance."

"Oh," I said.

"But that's not why it's so dark," she said. "It's dark because they put pig blood in it."

The IMAX Decade

2008-10-22T20:57:00.007+09:00

I thought of a name for the first decade of the 21st century: The IMAX Decade.

Like IMAX, the 00's have been loud, violent, big-budget, and focused on explosions and special effects - all at the expense of a good plot (but you can ignore plot holes when you get the IMAX experience).

The 00's were suddenly more expensive... we were told it would be a better experience, but it actually made us kink our necks to see the whole picture.

As we left the theater we were surounded by children who were thrilled they got to see giant robots blow up dinosaurs. We'd never cared about these things before, but the kids seemed to find them important and wonderful.

I'm hoping the next decade will be less fascinated by bling and sensory terrorism, and more interested in cheezy lightning bolt energy going through its collective chest.

Morpian Nights

2008-10-21T21:18:00.002+09:00

Looking at an ESL website I found this quote:

"Known as Noughts & Crosses in Britain and Morpian in France, Tic-Tac-Toe is incredibly versatile and useful in the classroom."

Morpian? Googling it isn't very helpful.

I know I have several thousand French readers, so maybe you lot can enlighten me. Morpian? Really? Methinksnot.

Today

2008-10-19T22:54:00.001+09:00

Crazy day met JK in Hongdae and Mexican food then bowling, drinking, taxi to Sinchon for batting cages, then walked around got street food and sat at the woman’s campus then a bus and a long walk to a sam gae tang restaurant mmmmm. Then a hof for couple beers then noraebang@!@@!! SUCCESS: One Korean cultural experience checked off!!!!#@#@#! Then home and now shower then sleep and tomorrow field trip with the kids thank god no classes.

Back in the B.U.C.

2008-10-17T21:58:00.001+09:00

Damn, it's good to be back. My apartment in Bucheon never felt more like home. I've spent the last four days attending lectures and playing ping pong and tennis. It's trippy to suddenly leave my totally Korean neighborhood and go to a compound with a few hundred English speakers from Canada, the US, the UK, South Africa, Australia, and New Zealand.

I actually didn't do any drinking and related better to a Mormon and a Christian guy than the teachers who went into town every night to get drunk. There's something about most foreigners here that kind of disgusts me. That's why I usually prefer to hang out with Koreans.

Also saw a great Nanta performance, which only uses traditional Korean percussion instruments. Pretty awesome actually.

That's it! I'm back. Made some new contacts in my 'hood (including a girl born in Ghana who lives in the next building).

Let's move on.

Back on Friday

2008-10-13T17:42:00.005+09:00

My school loves to not tell me things. Yes, they told me I had a training, but they wouldn't tell me where until today. I thought it would just be in Seoul or Incheon and I'd commute every day. Turns out it's a few hours away and I have to stay at a hotel and share a room with two other teachers (ugh). Oh, and it's four days, not three. It's be nice to be in the loop. As the token foreigner at my school, I only get told what I need to know or ask about, and not even that sometimes. Boring training sure, but no classes till next Tuesday! Yesss. I'm not supposed to drink alcohol during my days at the training - who are they kidding with that malarkey?

More Fun

2008-10-12T17:04:00.003+09:00

I'll try to get my blog inertia going this week. I have a training from Tuesday to Thursday so only two days of teaching this week! I don't think I've ever been to a useful training.

For now here's a link to my delicious links. I add to it sporadically and a lot is redundant to this blog. Keeps you busy.

Energy Monkey

2008-10-09T21:36:00.001+09:00

Guess I'll blog - it's been a while.

I was trying to find something to blog about that isn't complaining . . . which is strange because I'm out of sickness feeling good feeling great how are you? My students were gone Monday thru Wednesday at work so it's been slow. I don't like doing class prep. I do like being in the classroom . I'm an energy vampire for the young. They help stabilize my mood. When I'm sick I get dark and depressed and I know it's only because I'm sick that I feel that way... but that doesn't make it go away. Feel great now though.

Here's something I've been listening to.

It's a 17-CD set of music from Muslim countries. Some of it's crap boring - I'd say about 80% is good. I see a connection with Native American music I never heard before. Give it to your terrorist friends.

Autosarcophagy

2008-10-02T22:51:00.001+09:00

Week's been busy. But now a 3-day weekend and I have no idea what the holiday means. What it means to me is my last holiday till Christmas, alas alas. I've overbooked the next three days with people. I should probably not drink because my sickness is not quite wellness yet but hwtavere.

I had a DMT flashback tonight that was kind of scary. I was thinking about a house where I lived as a kid in Garden Grove, California, and I was trying to remember my mom or brother or grandma inside the house, but I couldn't remember anyone. Just the house and me in the house, like everyone else had been taken from the memory. Then my lungs started contracting out of control like when I take a hit, like I was being breathed by the universe, and I collapsed on my couch, unable to move and entering the border realm of that place where there is no Other and boundaries dissolve.

I wonder what I'll do when I'm done with this year in Korea. Sometimes I enjoy Korea, but I don't know if I'll ever love it. I want to try living in Europe, but I don't want to teach. English is okay, as far as language goes, but teaching it (especially when I don't speak my students' language) is just too basic.

I want to live on a beach with a cat and a deaf-mute wife and just read Krazy and Ignatz and smoke pot all day. Krazy Kat gets my vote for the greatest creation in world history and if I had a stable home in America I'd order all the Fantagraphics volumes and soak it up.

The world is really polluted and there are a lot of people. But there are more ants. Did you know there are more than 12,000 species of ants? Animals are interesting. Ants, bees, dolphins, cats, whales, and octopi get my vote for most interesting animals. That's all the voting I'll be doing this year.

I've been eating kind of shitty lately and feel unhealthy right now, even though I look real thin. I bought a pizza the other night for $6 that could feed two people and ate it all myself because I don't do leftovers. I have a microwave but it's in the closet and I've never used it.

That sounds like a good note to end on. Good night.

Quote of the day:

"You have purchased or stolen the full 95-CD audio instructional program entitled The Areas of My Expertise."

Planet China

2008-09-28T22:14:00.005+09:00

I've been recovering from a nasty cold. I took it easy this weekend and listened deep into J. Maarten Troost's Lost on Planet China. I like it because the author doesn't pretend to deal even-handedly with China. He is disgusted by a lot of things there and lets you know. It has a similar effect to Into Africa: I'm now both repulsed and fascinated by China. I'd be up for a trip there - but only a short trip to get the catburger flavor on my tongue. Then I'd get out as fast as I could.

Slacker Uprising

2008-09-26T19:13:00.004+09:00

Michael Moore usually delivers entertaining propaganda. Slacker Uprising is just plain boring, an example of why I avoid documentaries. I had to skip through most of it. This is filler, not filmmaking, the worst I've seen by Moore, and certainly not worth a theater ticket.

Image Streaming

2008-09-25T22:13:00.000+09:00

McCain should be worried about the presidential debates. In terms of image, Obama strikes me as Jimmy Carter pretending to be John F. Kennedy. McCain strikes me as Richard Nixon pretending to be...

Well, no one. He just reminds me of Richard Nixon. Period.

Anyone who paid attention in American History class will remember what happened in the first televised presidential debate of 1960: Kennedy thrashed Nixon because he was more genial and camera-friendly.

I've heard both sides say the election is already over, McCain's got it clinched, Obama's got it clinched, whatever. But until the debates happen, it's never over (except for Ralph Nader).

But fuck the debates - I'm more interested in the new season of The Office, actually. I think that's the most "mainstream" thing I'm into right now.

By the way, when the U.S. economy keels over, do I still have to repay my student loan?

Alaska!

2008-09-24T17:52:00.000+09:00

Happy Death

2008-09-22T22:26:00.002+09:00

"As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death." - Leonardo da Vinci

Hiking in Korea is totally different from America (or anywhere else I've hiked).

On Friday night I was in downtown Seoul on a bus. With me was an English teacher from Wales, a Korean girl that introduced me to the hiking group, and 40 other Koreans, mainly LG employees. At midnight our bus left Seoul and headed east, east, and further east, till we'd crossed the entire country (in about 3.5 hours).

We got out of the bus and it was dark. Stars in the sky were actually visible, unthinkable near Seoul. We were at the base of a mountain. Somebody gave me a bracelet of light like we were going to a concert. Somebody else gave me gimbab (food). We stretched. People strapped lanterns to their heads (not me).

Hiking at 4 AM in the dark in a strange land with mostly-strangers is surreal. We hiked uphill for 4 hours and it was steeper than stairs.

Onward upward we went and finally made it to the peak. A marker indicated this was indeed the top. The morning sun began to show through the clouds and I saw a body of water. The East Sea, someone informed me. A.K.A. the Sea of Japan. Before this it was only words on a map - now it was a reality.

As we hiked we took occasional breaks to rest and snack. I couldn't understand why everybody had such heavy backpacks. After we passed the peak I found out why.

We progressed another mile or two, slowly coming down, and stopped at a rest area. Tons of Koreans were sitting on the ground - cooking! Yes, they had all brought propane stoves and were cooking ramen, duck, and other leviathan from the sea. I sat and ate whatever came my way. They also drank alcohol. I don't usually drink and hike, but everyone else was drinking a little soju or beer so I joined in. Peer pressure.

Onward we rolled, passing Buddhist temples and monstrous stacks of boulders, traversing terrestrial biomes with every change in altitude. Seoraksan is as beautiful as Yosemite and the weather was perfect.

I said Korean hiking is different - here's why: First, it's hella crowded! Okay, it's tourist season and I went on a weekend, but still. We did 12 miles and most of the time I was passing people every ten or fifteen seconds! F'reals.

Second, the trail is not as "natural" as most trails. Everything is kind of engineered. It's an eclectic mix of stones, rails, and wood planking, and I think I crossed about thirty bridges. The amount of work to create these trails is mind-boggling.

I didn't think that nature could have a nationality and cultural bias, but this was clearly "Korean hiking". I had a great time. It was just different.

After the hike we found a restaurant and had one of the my favorite Korean foods: sam gae tang.

The whole trip cost me 20,000 won (currently $17.73) - crossing the country twice, dinner, and various snacks through the day. Hella good bargain.

Two days later I'm still a little sore. Good trip.

I Presume

2008-09-18T20:28:00.005+09:00

I was trying to hold off reviewing Martin Dugard's Into Africa: The Epic Adventures of Stanley and Livingston until I finished it, but I can't wait. It's so good. It makes me want to read biographies of all the main characters, and then read all the books those guys wrote themselves about their travel.

It goes twenty levels beyond "Livingstone was missing in Africa and Stanley found him... 'Dr. Livingstone, I presume?' "

It's also got subject matter that makes me wonder: is Dugard a really good writer or are the characters so off-the-map that it's guaranteed to be a good narrative? Okay, a bad writer could ruin it - I'm saying that Dugard didn't. This book sucked me in.

It also works as a travel book. I'm now both curious and repulsed by "darkest Africa", thanks no doubt to the lurid imagery and detail of the book. I wish I could write this well. I listened to it as read by John Lee, and it's one of the rare times I'm like, "Damn, I want to read this again with my eyes." I also want some more true adventure books like these.

Speaking of true adventure, I'm traveling across Korea tomorrow for an 11-hour hike at Seoraksan. I'm taking a vehicle, so it's not exactly Livingstone walking from one side of Africa to the other. But if I don't blog for a while, assume that I'm lost like Livingstone and come get me (après Stanley). But you can't say, "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" You need to come up with your own catchy line.

I'm Not There

2008-09-16T12:23:00.001+09:00

I finally watched I'm Not There, the quasi-pseudo-faux documentary of a bunch of alternate universe Bob Dylans.

If you don't really know Bob Dylan's life and work it won't make a lot of sense. If you do know Bob Dylan well it rehashes his most famous incidents in multifarious dreamy styles.

Either way it's really long, and generally boring.

Albums

2008-09-15T11:54:00.001+09:00

I heard Mitch Hedberg's last album, Do You Believe in Gosh? - slow start but pretty good:

Also heard Demetri Martin's These Are Jokes, which I like even more, but he certainly owes something to Hedberg:

And they both owe something to Steven Wright, even though I don't find Wright very funny.

And here's a music album I've been listening to: LP3 by Ratatat.

Politics

2008-09-14T11:42:00.000+09:00

One great thing about living outside America is that I'm not subjected to the constant election blah blah blah. Most people in Korea probably don't know who Sarah Palin is.

Whatever integrity a presidential candidate initially has is quickly dissolved under the weight of campaigning. To make it to the White House requires a candidate to become silly putty to 50 states with radically different politics. At this point in time I think the U.S. would be better off divided into three or four different countries.

As for Korean politics... I just hope North Korea doesn't go apeshit when Kim Jong Yomom keels over. I'd like to think North Korea will be more open to the world in twenty years, kind of the equivalent of China today. But the next few years could be sloppy.

Kim Jong-il in happier days.

Thank you for polluting your mind with my uninformed opinions.

Chuseok

2008-09-12T11:59:00.002+09:00

It's a five-day weekend for me as billions swarm across this microscopic nation to celebrate Chuseok, Korea's sorta-Thanksgiving. All the trains are booked. All the highways have traffic. Fortunately I'm not going anywhere.

Instead, on my first day off I went looking for a haircut. My first haircut in Korea took place in July and it was horrible. It was some old guy who took almost an hour. He didn't use any kind of buzzer, snipping one hair at a time, I swear. Today I wanted something better.

I walked over to a grungier neighborhood that I like and found a place. In English it said "Men & Women" on the sign. I'm a man, I thought. I can get a haircut here.

An oldish woman was sweeping in front of the shop. I made a scissor-cutting motion and pointed to my head. She nodded.

"Olma-eyo?" I said.

She held up five fingers.

"OK," I said.

She cut it, did an awesome job, then shampooed it. All for $4.50.

So she is my new hair stylist.

That's all I really wanted to accomplish this vacation. Anything else is icing on the cake. The rest of my time will depend on how many stores, bars, and restaurants are open this weekend.

Holidays kind of mean nothing to me now. I breezed through July 4th and September 11th without nary a thought, but my co-teachers were concerned that I wouldn't have family to celebrate Chuseok with. They fail to see that Chuseok is meaningless to me - just time off. Wherever I'm living, I'd rather have my holidays selectable by me and not synchronized by the state.

Actually, wherever I'm living, I'd rather not work at all.

Check out this clay guy my students made me. I don't know if it's supposed to be me.

Family Circus Redemption Project #33

2008-09-08T22:42:00.001+09:00

Made to Stick

2008-09-07T20:44:00.004+09:00

Fascinating book I just finished called Made to Stick by Dan & Chip Heath.

It explains (among other things) why deer kill more people each year than sharks.

Themes

2008-09-06T11:08:00.002+09:00

I love that John Irving's wikipedia entry not only has a handy chart of his themes, but that the themes are: New England, prostitutes, wrestling, Vienna, bears, deadly accident, and absent parent.

I haven't read John Irving, just seen the cider movie. It was a documentary about making apple juice or something.

WTF?

2008-09-04T06:10:00.000+09:00

Two Things to Be Aware of

2008-09-02T19:53:00.002+09:00

1.
Neat post on yesterday's Boing Boing about millimeter wave scanners. They sort of undress you for one of those TSA agents - apparently they're being aimed at people not even going through the security line at the airport?? Here are the images from the TSA site:

But the wikipedia entry for Backscatter X-Ray, a related technology, has higher quality:

Whatever the quality level, I don't think most people are aware they're being so thoroughly undressed with scans like this, or that it might be affecting their health.

2.
In unrelated news, while browsing the top 100 books on Amazon I found this gem:

And then looked into her and she runs some weird awesome money cult. You know anyone with "Supreme Master" in their name has to be good for you.

Three cheers for cults.

The Best Thing Ever

2008-08-31T19:34:00.007+09:00

Today was great, relaxing. I went to some bars and clubs in Hongdae last night, got home late, drunk, slept five hours, woke up and finally finished season 4 of The Office. Even though season 4 lacks the tension of the earlier seasons, it's still one of the funniest show on TV.